When is personal correspondence private?
Recently, I followed someone on Twitter who followed me back and then sent one of the auto-responders that said something like “thanks for following, please check out my site at …” This article isn’t going to be about auto-responders but I don’t like them. I think, “yeah, I checked out your site and your tweets and that’s why I decided to follow you.”
I then sent a direct message back. If you don’t know what that is (and I think most of my readers do) it is a private message on Twitter between two people. I told the person that I liked the design of his site and that it reminded me of an old video game. He replied, “lol, I think”.
I meant this as a compliment, although I supposed it was a strange one. But, the site really did remind me of an game from 10 years ago and it is one of my favorite games. And as I’ve said, I never promised to be normal, just nice.
Here are some screenshots to illustrate my point. I think they are similar.
All of this was written via private direct messages. There was nothing particularly personal about the message but they were direct messages.
The next day while casually monitoring the twitter stream I saw the following.
This upset me for a couple of reasons. First, it was publicly reporting information that was from a private direct message. Secondly, I was not mentioned anywhere in the this tweet. I don’t mind being teased. For example, if he has said “why is @kwbridge playing 10 year old video games?” or something like that. Teasing, however, is generally best when you “know” someone a little bit better. Finally, the WTF? is just plain mean. Especially when the earlier direct message to me was more of a laughing about my weirdo compliment.
I sent a direct message after seeing that saying I meant it as a compliment and that I thought his tweet was mean. He wrote back saying I didn’t mean to offend you – I thought it was funny. Needless to say, I stopped following him shortly after that. There is enough negativity in this world without having to purposefully subject myself to it. Not long after, Qwitter informed me that he had stopped following me as well.
What kills me about all of this is that this person is a programmer and web designer. How does he know that I didn’t want to hire him? If I liked his site design, then I may have wanted to pay him for his services. Not very smart to antagonize a potential customer.
I then asked my followers on twitter if they thought a direct message was personal.
And here are some of the responses.
So, the consensus was that direct messages are personal and should be treated like email.
Like I said, what was repeated from my direct message was in no way personal information. But repeating it in that manner was a betrayal of trust and was mean.
So, am I doing the same thing by writing this article? Maybe. The information, however, was already made public by the other user and while I have paraphrased some direct messages I have not repeated them exactly, nor have I included screenshots of them. I think, based on everything that transpired, that I have every right to write this article to illustrate my point.
And, if I really wanted to be mean, I would have listed the username and the url of the website belonging to the individual in question. ;-)
What do you think? Am I making too much out of this? Should a direct message be private even if the information isn’t personal? Should a direct message be treated like email? Has anything like this happened to you on Twitter?
photo credit: decadentyouphotography
I think you’re right, Kim. When you send someone a direct message, then to me that’s something between you and the person and not something that should be spread across all of Twitter (sorry, I won’t say “Twitterverse”). If its something you just said out in the open than its fair game. I don’t really think he meant any ill will by it or was really going out of his way to mock you, but I definitely think he should have used more discretion.
Ron Obvious’s last blog post – Charlie Chaplin made this speech in ‘The Great…
Oh, and his site? Total Blade Runner videogame rip-off.
Ron Obvious’s last blog post – Charlie Chaplin made this speech in ‘The Great…
Yeah I’m behind you all the way on this one… wish you would’ve posted the url etc tho!
Reminds me of a situation at work the other day, a lady was going on and on being nasty about something another person had told her in confidence, turned out that other person was standing right behind her and overheard!.. No real difference in the online world, IMO… Cheers
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He must have known you would see it and just wanted to get at you. It’s nice of you not to post his URL. Personally I really want to see the website. Oh, well.
Wesley’s last blog post – ^^ Will that do anything or is it so small it’s barely noticeable?
a direct message should always be kept private. i get a few and i never share that information. i keep my tweets private too because not everyone needs to see everything i’m writing about. i’m not that open..so to be publicly mocked by someone is just bad taste on their part.
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The tweet is still up:
http://twitter.com/andysowards/status/977454028
@Ron/Jim – Yeah, Twitterverse is a pretty stupid term. Kind of like blogosphere.
You and I discussed this last week when it first happened. I guess it just took me some time to write the post. Glad you agree that the website looks like the screenshot.
@Ross – Hi! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. That is perfect real life example. I hope the people gossiping felt terrible when they realized the person was standing right behind them. I think similar things have happened to most of us.
@Wesley – You are way too clever for your own good. Of course, it is still up. All you had to do I bet was search on Blade Runner. I guess I’ll leave the link. I didn’t post it – a commenter did. And I don’t want to censor you every time you leave a comment here ;-)
@Natural – Thank you! Like I mentioned the direct message was a compliment (at least in my mind) and not personal. But I thought he was mean. I don’t mind being teased by people I “know” but this was so uncool. I love twitter but it really turned me away from it for a couple of days.
And since he’s selling his services, it’s probably not the best idea to make fun of potential customers.
If he posted it publicly he obviously doesn’t mind people knowing how he feels, right? :)
Wesley’s last blog post – ^^ Will that do anything or is it so small it’s barely noticeable?
Good point, Wesley. I just don’t want to be like him. Anyway, I’m not going to worry about it. It was posted publicly and it’s fair game for me to write about it. :-) But you are way too clever – finding the tweet, fancy costumes based on famous paintings… ;-)
While I agree that direct messages are private, I can’t help but remember Tim Brownson’s advice: nothing is offensive unless you decide to get offended by it.
Personally, I try to be as emotionally detached as possible when it comes to internet interactions.
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So, the consensus was that direct messages are personal and should be treated like email.
I agree with that, but if you don’t directly quote and you’re generally repeating a private message where the sender can’t be identified, I don’t see the problem.
For example, if someone e-mailed me and said that my blog sucked or something like that, I don’t think it’s ethically wrong to repeat that “someone” said that. Likewise, if I e-mailed someone privately and said I needed some advice because I was in debt (or something similarly embarassing), if they then asked other people publicly because “A friend e-mailed me asking for debt advice” then I don’t see the problem.
Whether or not the comment was intended to be mean – who can say?
That it was extremely unwise – no question.
A prospective client might well be justified in wondering if a similar lack of judgment / discretion comes into play in his business dealings.
What happens on Twitter does not stay on Twitter.
Afterthought – maybe DM’s like other realms of etiquetter, often a cultural or generational thing?
I think that all the normal rules of privacy and etiquette apply on the internet, with the appropriate twists due to the technologies. It is not a generational thing, it is just a person “person who talks behind your back” kind of thing.
Kim:
“How rude” is my reaction. But forget about it. Not worth too much of a response. And my mamma always told me – “never put anything in writing you don’t want the whole world to see”. Good advice to live by in this cynical world.
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He did not mention you by Twitter name in his Tweet.
You did not mention him by Twitter name in this post.
Yet you are both talking publicly about a “private” conversation… which unless I missed it, does not have a Privacy clause attached to it… such as some e-mails.
You have blown this so out of the water its in the stratosphere.
What’s worse is you would actually disqualify him for work that he may do a superior job on based on your perception of him as a flawed social being. If we did that to Einstein, who was as flawed as you can get, we would not have many of the advances we have today.
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I can’t tell you how you should feel since I have yet to be blasted online. : ) I think there is something strange about him misquoting himself; especially since he used quotation marks around something he didn’t even say to you in response.
Maybe someone else told him that his website looked like a video game and that’s what he said to that person.
With that said, I would never share what is said between email, IM, direct Tweet, PM with anyone else.
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@Vered – Do you find it easy to stay emotionally detached? I find it much easier said than done.
@Peter – Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment.
Good point and examples, especially the second one. I need to think about that a little.
@rjleanman – If I know nothing about someone other than their design skills and then this type of behavior is displayed, I am not going to want to hire that person. I don’t think it is a generational or cultural issue though. I think lack of discretion is displayed by all age groups.
@Neal – I think it’s the behind the back aspect where I am still able to “overhear” is what bothered me. Like I mentioned in the article, I would have been less bothered if I had been named.
@Blogger – Very true. I should apply to my online life what I do in real life. I very rarely put anything in an email to my ex for that very reason.
@NYCWD – Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. And, um, thanks for making me think :-)
Well, from a legal perspective, no, it isn’t private correspondence. Has this been blown out of proportion? Absolutely. It’s a whole lot of foolishness about something quite trivial.
There are a number of qualified web designers out there so why would I want to give my money to someone who mocks me? I wouldn’t do something like that to a potential client.
I also think that using Einstein as an example when referring to this individual is laughable. While it is very true that Einstein lacked basic social skills, I think there are very few Einsteins out there and we would not function well as a society if we didn’t try to behave as decently as possible. By that logic, we would have to allow people to defy what is socially acceptable just in case that person might be the next Einstein.
@Carla – I didn’t really pay attention to the question marks. You’re right it is strange because he didn’t say WTF to me only lol. I didn’t really consider it to be a bashing. I was more disappointed because I tend to think better of people.
I guess the problem is also due to the fact that some people use it like a chat application rather than just a public logger… The client side tools (for desktop as well as phone apps for twitter) make it feels like a chat app.
Regardless of this, after using twitter for only about a fortnight now, I feel that if used appropriately it can be a major ‘airing your view’ mechanism. Not a great technology though :)
But your point on when to go private is very important!
Come on now Kim. He didn’t mock you or anything of the sort.
He was recounting an occurrence that he found odd and original if not a bit out of place. The fact he recalled it at all proves that it was a memorable comment… so you connected! Then you flushed it down the toilet basing old media etiquette in a new media platform.
What exactly IS “socially” acceptable? What may not be “socially” acceptable to you may very well be “socially” acceptable to me… as evidenced by this very post and my comments.
It is that closed minded, authoritarian, “socially acceptable” mentality that the very platform you are posting about and participating in seeks to subvert! Didn’t your guardians ever tell you not to talk to strangers?
Guess what.
You are.
Therefore according to your illogical arguments, you are doing something that is not “socially acceptable”, which means you must not be a safe minded person, and you may jeopardize whatever job/business I may give you, and therefore even if you ARE the next Einstein… well we won’t tolerate your brilliance anyway because you are being “socially UNacceptable”.
Do you see the invalidity of your argument? And to think… I haven’t even brought up the fact that it was not “socially acceptable” for colored African Americans to eat at the same counter as white Caucasians in what is considered one of the greatest Democracies in the world a mere 50 years ago.
Your entire post, and therefore your argument reeks of a need for validation of your emotions. The smartest thing said here was rjleaman when she wrote “What happens on Twitter doesn’t stay on Twitter”.
Not even direct messages.
http://www.techcrunch.com/2008/04/23/privacy-disaster-at-twitter-direct-messages-exposed/
I rest my case.
@Ajith – I think people use it in many different ways.
@NYCWD – I am not very good at arguing so if you need to win so be it. You have “rested your case” so perhaps I shouldn’t bother replying.
Of course, the post is about emotions. I related what happened, how it made me feel, and asked for opinions. I did not ask for a validation of my emotions. I am going to feel what I feel regardless.
Socially acceptable may be the wrong term. I believe in trying to be kind and in lifting people up – supporting them and encouraging them, not in being an ass who tries to bring them down. Equating my use of the phrase to segregation is distasteful and is way more insulting than what I originally posted about. There has to be some sort of social guidance in how we behave toward each other or we would not be able to function as a society.
So New Media = Anything Goes, right?
It is completely different when direct messages are exposed due to a technical problem than by someone purposefully repeating them.
Hey Kim, just stopping back by to say thanks for you visit to doozieUp, and I appreciate the comments. Great post by the way, I also agree that direct message tweets should be kept private, at least that’s what i assume when I send them.
Later,
-doozieUp!
@Michael – Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I guess we shouldn’t assume anything is private in “new media”.
@NYCWD your clearly unbalanced use of hyperbole is ironic when you’re speaking of over reaction and also batsh*t insane.
I REST MY CASE
@Kim – I should also thank you for posting on my blog! Its still a new blog and I need all the help I can get!
Carla’s last blog post – For the Mommy to Be (small giveaway)
@NYCWD
Whether we’re in old media or new media, there is I believe, a level of trust involved with private conversations. If a person behaved in a manner that I felt betrayed my trust, I wouldn’t hire them for a job. I might have just deprived myself of Einstein-like work but I think the odds of me ridding myself of a douche are higher than the odds of me missing out on the next Einstein.
Whether you like it or not, impressions that people leave will affect others’ opinions of them.
I’ll give you an example, you just used the word “colored” in your last comment to describe black Americans. Now I don’t know you but I would guess that you’re not a racist. But I don’t know that. You used the word “colored”, which in 2008 is not a “socially acceptable” term (well, maybe it is in red states). I wouldn’t choose normally to interact with someone who used that term if I could help it. Again, this might be my loss, and I just might be being authoritarian. Or I might be using socially acceptable guidelines to determine who I would want to associate with.
There is a level of what is socially acceptable in society. Granted over time that changes and there are always radical examples of things that we as a society have found acceptable that never should have been and vice-versa. But in this case, the taking of a private message and making it public, is something that I think should not be acceptable in any medium or at any time. ”
Ron Obvious’s last blog post – Charlie Chaplin made this speech in ‘The Great…
@ChrissMari – Thanks for stopping by and commenting. You unique perspective on this topic is appreciated.
@Carla – You don’t need to ever thank me :-) You found me first and now you’re one of the top commenters. So, thank you!
@Ron/Jim Once I stop laughing I think I will hire you to teach me how to think logically. I agree – it’s much more likely that I am ridding myself of an ass than missing out on the next Einstein.
Thanks.
Wow – quite the conversation…for the first time in a long time, I actually read a long line of comments!
I agree with Peter here. Because the tweet was anonymous, there was no issue there. Even therapists can share about other clients as long as it’s anonymous enough.
Here’s another example: if someone DM’ed you and said your website was amazingly awesome and that made you feel good, do you think you could write a tweet that said “Someone just complimented my site, and I feel great!” If so, that’s exactly the same situation.
Thanks for the great discussion, Kim!
Zack Katz @ Katz Web Design’s last blog post – Barack Obama: Screw the Auto Industry
While I definitely think direct messages are personal and should be private, I have also learned that people will repeat private messages, emails, etc. at will. Unless it’s someone I know and trust, I usually don’t say anything I don’t want spread to the masses.
Also, I think what you said about the game was a compliment… if I did graphic design, and someone said it looked like a hot video game, I’d be honored. :)
~ Kristi
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@Zack – I’ve been thinking quite a bit about Peter’s comment as well. It’s also awesome to have people disagree in a non-confrontational manner :-)
I do think that the examples are positive ones – you are not being made fun of. And if that is what truly bothered me rather than a private message being disclosed than I would have to rewrite this article to be about not offending potential clients are something like that.
You do web design Zack. Would you ever do something like that to someone you didn’t really know who could be a potential client? Somehow I doubt that you would.
But, yes, Peter’s comment is still making me think about the real root of all of this.
And, Zack, you should always read through all the comments on this site ;-) Actually, I don’t always read them all either on some sites. It depends on the topic. Like on a site like Lifehacker I frequently learn more in the comments than from the article. But on ProBlogger, no – I can only read so many that say Great Article!!
For this article though, the comments were great.
@Kristi – You definitely missed the fun here last night. ;-) I think he would have been more honored if I had referred to a more recent game and not one that came out in 1997. But it is one my favorite games ever – in my list of top 10 – so coming from me it’s high praise ;-)
Kim: I’m glad I’m helping provide a little counterweight :) My examples were reasonably negative ones, though Zack’s was not (though it’s still valid).
I think that the Web with its relative anonymity, the lack of ability to read body language and the way everything seems to have the same “volume” makes it hard to judge people correctly. Given this, my personal strategy is that unless someone is being directly nasty, to either write off what they say as unimportant or assume they actually had best intentions at heart anyway.
I have been accused myself of being insensitive or rude online on occasion, but in nearly all cases I was just making a minor or tongue-in-cheek comment with no malice intended. It would be awesome if there were better options of emoting in text other than SHOUTING IN CAPS or throwing in the occasional wink ;-) but given we have to make do, let’s just assume the best and deal with outing the truly, proven nasty folk that make our lives a misery (spammers, I’m looking at you!!) :-)
Hi Peter – But would you want to do business with that individual knowing very little about him otherwise?
Ok – sucks and debt are negative examples. You have a valid point and you comment is the one I’ve thought about the most (and gave the briefest response to).
As I said in my response to NYCWD it’s a whole big deal about a whole bunch of nothing. Honestly, I have so much really important stuff going on in my life that I’ve viewed this more as an amusing diversion than anything else. It has also made me think about the blogging recommendation to be controversial.
You are British, right? You all tend to have a special sense of humor that may be lost on many people. While I really enjoy it, I don’t always get it. And I know frequently when I am attempting to be funny online people answer me back in a quite serious manner. So, yes, I understand how easy it is to be misunderstood
If I said, “Stop pointing at me.” would you think I was serious or that I was teasing you about your avatar?
Nothing like this has happenned to me so far. But yes, Direct Messages are supposed to be personal.
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Hi Madhur – I agree. The question people have been asking is – is it disclosing personal information if you aren’t directly quoted or named?
Kim: I think I partially see the problem. That is, if the guy thought your comment was insignificant, why would he bother drawing attention to it? It’s almost as if he was hurt by your comment (unintentionally) and wanted to say something in public to “retaliate” – even though no-one else would have got it. That’s the one element of this that makes him look childish to me.
That said, childish or not, I’d always judge whether to work with someone or not by my own merits. There are a lot of people I get on with very well who other people dislike intensely, and vice versa (people I can’t stand but who others like). It would be horrible to be on the receiving end of mob-based decisions – so I try to avoid it.
Yes, I’m British. British people take offense just as much as Americans, in my experience. I don’t tend to take offense a things though, just because I’ve found it never really achieves anything to do so. Some people are nasty, some people are nice, and I’ve never found that taking offense changes the nasty people – so I just try and ignore em :)
Peter – I didn’t mean would you not work with this person but would you want to work with someone who acted without discretion. It’s not like there aren’t a lot of other qualified web designers out there.
And, actually, looking back – maybe I did accidentally hurt his feelings. Just because I think a game made in 1997 is the best thing ever doesn’t mean someone else is going to know where I’m coming from or view it as a compliment.
About being British – I didn’t mean are you more or less offended by things. I just think the Brits have a unique sense of humor that I think could easily be misunderstood.
Thanks so much!
To be fair though, Kim, that’s true of the British, Australians, French, etc. We all have unique senses of humor. French comedy is very interesting! German comedy is yet to be discovered, however.. I guess the US and UK look at each other as “unique” just because we speak the same language, but Australian comedy is just as freakishly different to both of ours thankfully ;-)
Anyway, that guy’s site does have a rather mid 90s look to it. If he can’t laugh that off, it’s his deal, although it’s yet to be determined whether he was laughing it off sincerely or not ;-)
As there is no real context from which to gauge the tone of his tweet, one must consider he may have just been poking fun *at himself*. Besides, a “wtf” is not always used in a harsh manner.
As DM’s are/should be private, it’s appropriate that he not mention who commented. IMO, doing so would lead me to believe the tweeter was trying to be offensive, which I don’t think is the case here.
The true “wtf” here is: How do you find time to play video games?!
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@Peter – I think I just the British sense of humor unique. The Aussies are funny too. I don’t other languages well enough to get the humor.
@Amanda – lol – I don’t have time really to play video games. Occasionally, I blow off my what I should be doing and play one or I’ll play from like 10-11pm. I played the Blade Runner game mentioned in the article around when it came out. I had more time for them back then.
I also don’t watch television so that does give me some time to do other things.
Hi Kim,
It’s great to be back here again. Your site was one of the first I have ever posted any comments on!
Yup, I totally agree that a DM should stay private and if one disagree with a comment then it should be clarified thru DM. This is because we all have different ways of expressing ourselves and choice of language. Your quirky way of giving a compliment might have been taken to be something else by the other party… Similarly I think maybe there is a teeny weeny chance that his WTF is just an expression he uses often …A close buddy of mine likes to exclaims “Oh my God!” all the time and he’s hardcore atheist !
Well I am no expert to IM etiquette but I do remember my grandma telling me that even our own ten fingers come in different length . So perhaps it’s just a case of two different but nice persons caught between interpretations?
Kim, I am sure you will come out of this a more powerful person.
Cheers and keep those great posts coming.
Sylvester
Hi Sylvester,
Nice to see you again :-)
This has been given a lot of thought and I think that Peter was correct in that paraphrasing a message is different than quoting it directly. I still do think that personal messages should be kept private. And you’re completely right that what I consider to be the ultimate compliment would seem off the wall to someone else.
Hi, I’m reading this very late late in the game. I don’t usually read super long comment threads when they’re not about politics, nevertheless…
To me there are a couple of issues in this startling small number of exchanges.
1. Kim’s original comment may have been received as an insult.
I met a woman on a plane recently and told her, “I hope this doesn’t offend you, but you look a little like Hayden Panettiere. The cheerleader from Heroes.”
Now, I thought she looked a lot like her. But because everyone has different aesthetic associations for things close to them versus outside of them, I tried to lighten it a little. If she’d have been offended and said, “Why do you say that,” I could say, “oh, you both have great blond hair and really white smiles” or something very obviously complimentary.
So comparisons aren’t always flattery to the person being compared. Sometimes context is needed. If this guy is a designer, he might have been offended because he wanted his site to be original, and it’s derivative. etc., etc.
2. Direct Messages Are Private
Meaning, they’re not in the public stream. However, does that make it inherently personal? I don’t think your comparison is anything that falls into privileged, private communication.
On the other hand, if he had retweeted, that would have been a breach of ettiquette.
3. People have different sensitivites to curse words
I’m kind of delicate. I tend not to curse in close proximity with strangers.
I think this is where the real thing cropped up.
You were mutually following each other, you had a private exchange, and his WTF was in a short mesage without a lot of context.
It can be read, “WTF was wrong with that person?” or “WTF! I slaved to be original and I’m derivative!” or WFT! I use pastels and the comparison is primary colors — that’s so left field I can’t even begin to relate to the idea.”
Kim, I think you went towards the first interpretation, and maybe because there’s a curse word.
4. People notice when they’re mentioned
He didn’t say who you were, but you didn’t just add him, you were following his tweets. You were reading him. And you didn’t like how you were mentioned.
So the lessons here are, I think, to look for context when you think you’re being insulted, and to be careful about cursing in semantic proximity to people you don’t know well, and to remember that all of us can be like God or Satan when we know we’re being talked about.
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@Gib – I’m not sure to be pleased that you thought the comments were interesting enough for you to read through or sorry that you had to weed through some of that. :-)
If you read my follow up article http://www.kimwoodbridge.com/using-controversy-to-attract-more-blog-comments-does-it-work/ you’ll find that I was not as offended as I seemed in this article. It was a bit of test to see if controversy does attract comments and the answer would have to be yes.
I still think the information was personal. I later realized what I thought was the ultimate in compliments probably did seem strange to him.
I do not have an issue with profanity. I try not to use it online but I do in real life. I think that like you I am being sensitive to others. But the WTF was part of the problem. I don’t mind being teased – not at all – but it’s usually better to know someone a little better first.
Thank you so much for contributing. It was a really well thought out and logical response.
Interesting that this thread converged so nicely on a fairly reasonable position.
Have you invited the designer to peruse this thread?
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Hi Jack – Thank you for visiting and commenting. No, I didn’t. Probably because I am chicken ;-)
Hi Kim,
I would expect a DM to be private on Twitter. I think it’s very easy to over analyse, but regardless, the way you felt was the way you felt and it was for a reason. Perhaps the poster didn’t mean anything, perhaps they did. You will never know… nevertheless it’s YOUR initial perception that counts. That he didn’t mention your name was something, but what spoiled it was the WFT?, because that wasn’t mentioned in in the original note to you and it “sounded” rude. Without context it’s hard to tell, still whatever you eventually did with that feeling you felt what you felt.
I would have been startled too, quite frankly, firstly because it was a DM. It’s easy for people to say it’s an overreaction… but at the end of the day they aren’t the ones on the end of the “incident”. Still, everyone will have a different reaction because we are all different.
And by the way I’m a Brit too. I’d say our humour (the good stuff) is dry… ;)
Nicky Jameson´s last blog post – To Succeed in 2009, do These 2 Things
@Nicky – Thanks! It’s interesting how this article is still getting comments when I’ve moved on. :-) It did bother me at the time but overall it’s not that big of a deal. I probably should have included the individual in this discussion though.
” It’s interesting how this article is still getting comments when I’ve moved on.”
It’s something that could happen to anyone who’s on Twitter, it’s a personal story/interaction, the post is still up and comments are still open ;) So even though you may have moved on, to anyone coming across it for the first time it’s interesting. I’ve had articles on my personal blog that get comments months later.
Nicky Jameson´s last blog post – To Succeed in 2009, do These 2 Things
@Nicky – Did I sound cranky? I didn’t mean too. I just meant that I’ve been going through some really rough stuff with my Mom and this issue hadn’t been as important to me recently. You’re right – if I’m not going to discuss it intelligently, I should close the comments. I apologize. :-)
That’s the beauty of the internet. Someone can discover this post two years and be offended like it was two months ago. :)
@Carla – LOL – let’s see what happens with it in 2010 ;-)
I do think you’re making too much out of this. If this kind of thing offends you, you’re going to spend your life being irritated by people. He could easily have meant he didn’t understand your comment by “WTF?” Or he could easily have meant he was surprised that someone got that impression from his site. I can see that it seems like he’s laughing at you. But I think you misunderstand. People laugh for lots of different reasons, most notably when they come across the unexpected.
That’s not to say he couldn’t have been more sensitive but he has no obligation to protect your feelings. He has an obligation not to deliberately try to hurt you but I don’t think he set out to do that. Futhermore, as far as I’m concerned people have no obligation to keep information you send to them in DM secret. If you want to be sure your opinions are kept secret, the solution is easy, don’t share them.
Hi Brad – At this point I would have to agree with you. It’s been over 6
month since I wrote the article and I’ve since made up with the person
in question and we are friends again.
And it’s true that “personal” info shouldn’t be sent through a DM because
they can go astray. It is a question of trust though …