I was fortunate to live most of my life without needing a lawyer. I actually didn’t really understand all of the lawyer jokes and why so many people didn’t like them. But, now, much to my dismay, I do.
Divorce, custody issues, and properly settlements all require the use of a lawyer. Over two years after this all started I tend to think it would have been easier to just stay married and continue being miserable. ;-)
As I’m about to meet with lawyer #2 I’ve been thinking about lawyers, their processes, their fees, and the b.s. And then I started comparing it to Web Development.
What if I ran my business like a lawyer?
- I would ask for an enormous retainer.
- I would have an hourly rate of $300+
- I wouldn’t tell how much the project would cost.
- I wouldn’t tell you when the project would be completed.
- I would charge you every time you sent me an email.
- When you asked me why after almost two years a simple project wasn’t completed, I would tell you that was normal.
- I wouldn’t return your calls.
- I would send the same invoice by email three times and then once by snail mail. When asked about this via email, I would ignore you.
- I would send cryptic invoices so you have no idea what you are paying for. (For example, you are charged for a prothonotary and a search on prothonotary takes you to a bird called prothonotary warbler. If I’m paying for a bird, where is the damn thing?)
- I will send an invoice for $30. Since my hourly rate is so high, you can only assume you are being charged for having the invoice sent to you.
After typing this up I have come to the conclusion that my profession isn’t the one that needs a new business model. ;-)
Apologies to any awesome lawyers out there … unfortunately, I haven’t worked with you. And thanks to @gracefullypunk who in a roundabout way inspired this article. I’m confident that she will be a lawyer that I like.
photo credit: afsart
Awesome!
The couple of times my family has had to deal with lawyers it has been a complete run around. I’m with you on this.
Hi Jim – And you know how long this has been going on …
Remember when I got the invoice with the prothonotary warbler on it and I printed out a picture of the bird for my cubicle? Silly …
I used to be an attorney. I left the profession mainly because I couldn’t take even one more day of dealing with the other attorneys.
.-= vered – blogger for hire´s last blog ..THIS Is Why I Persist With (Occasional) Feminist Blogging =-.
Hi Vered – I bet you were one of the good ones. :-)
Fantastic. I really hope I’ll never have to deal with lawyers – but I suspect I will at some point.
.-= Adrenalynn´s last blog ..Looking at boats =-.
Hi Adrenalynn – I hope you don’t either!!! Best bet is to stay married.
Hi Kim,
Honestly I think “divorce” is a very sad thing… I wish that we as men learn to respect and love our wives and make marriage a more safe place for them, instead of making their life miserable and turning marriage institute into a “Hell on earth”… (People get divorced for different reasons. In your case since you use the word “miserable” I assume divorce was the only option you had?)
When I read this post, I thought to myself, that I will make the marriage life a safe place for my wife and that I will give her all the due respect and love.
My wife is working in a school and majority of the students who study there are coming from rich but broken homes. Therefore my wife and I have seen how single mothers struggle to make a living while looking after their children.
May be this comment is totally irrelevant to the concept of your post. But thank you for sharing your life with the readers.
I don’t know if you believe in God. But we will keep you and your daughter in our prayers. God bless you…
Hi Yohan – I was being a bit of a “smart ass” – I wasn’t “miserable” but I am so much happier now. I think divorce is sad and that, if possible, people should try really hard to work things out but many times it just isn’t possible. Things are a little harder being a single parent but my kid’s Dad is still a big part of her life and there is a trade-off … some things are harder but others are much easier – for example, no one gives me a hard time for staying up too late playing a video game ;-)
For me, it would not have been possible to stay together.
And I did mean for the article to be funny.
I had the same issue with my divorce back in 2002-2003. After all the money, time and frustration, there were still some loose ends she didn’t tie up in the end and it ended up costing me dearly.
@Yohan – Aside from the process, my divorce was a “happy” occasion for me. I should have done it MUCH sooner. I left with my life, and that trumps all so-called biblical reasons to stay or leave.
I know you were not directing your comment towards me, but I do feel offended when feels they need to insert their opinion about someone else’s decision to divorce a spouse, no matter how candy coated you can make it.
.-= Carla | Green and Chic´s last blog ..The Second Year: Multiple Sclerosis Update =-.
Hi Carla – You would think for the price they charge they could get things right. What kills me is when they make a mistake and then charge me to correct it. When I make a mistake on a client’s site, I don’t charge them extra to have it fixed …
I think Yohan was assuming it was my husband’s fault and that men cause most marital problems. I don’t think he meant to offend. It’s funny though – it’s 2010 and I still get comments from other parents about being divorced that are really bizarre – like it’s 1950 or something. Good thing I don’t usually care what other people think … ;-)
Kim, you made me laugh so hard! Considering that this morning was difficult, you should be congratulated! I do have some lawyer friends and respect them but I am also very grateful that you don’t operate like one or charge like one or I would never be able to afford you. You are awesome!
Hi Julie – Thanks! I wanted it to be funny :-)
And I’m sure there are some decent lawyers … I actually met one this week who wasn’t so bad. He was really tall though which made me feel like I was 8 years old ;-)
I just sent this to the new designer I hired, she’s a good sport and will probably be around soon. lol
.-= Dennis Edell´s last blog ..DEDC Updates – What the (Near) Future Holds for You and I! =-.
Hi Dennis – Is the designer a lawyer? Or is she going to relate to the business model?
She wants to be your friend. lol
.-= Dennis Edell´s last blog ..$100 – 10 Winners – Comment Contest! ‘Till Months End… =-.
This was funny and reminded me of the time I questioned why an attorney for the company I worked for years ago charged us for the stamp he used to send me a letter. Now that I work for lawyers, I understand things somewhat better. There is a lot of mumbo-jumbo with the court system, that’s for sure. I don’t know what that bird is, either.
It’s rotten that your lawyer doesn’t respond to you, but then again, you don’t have to pay for his/her time doing it.
I enjoyed Yohan Perera’s comments. I didn’t think he was saying that the decision to get a divorce is sad, just that it’s sad that it has to come to that. I had a divorce party after my second (and hopefully last) divorce.
.-= Dot´s last blog ..Comment on I Hate Other People by Jannie Funster =-.
Hi Dot – I think the legal terms are to further confuse us and think that what we are paying must be worth it ;-)
I wonder what the charge is to stick the stamp on the envelope – lol
I think Yohan meant well too.
Kim,
As an 11 year veteran (can’t use that term in any other regard than divorce), the memories are a little foggy; not to mention the lack of knowledge i had back then on how it all really should have gone; now in business for myself – this is a hang on the wall worthy post to remind me why I enjoy the small in small business relationships!
Yohan might think about being a mentor. You need to keep posting smart ass articles and make me think. I like to do that.
Thanks!
Cindi
Hi Cindi – I’m glad you appreciate it! I think when many people get divorced they are upset and have no idea what the process is supposed to be like – this makes it very easy to get the run around.
I know you can file without a lawyer – the way things have gone I think I
should have just done the research and done it myself – I bet it would be done by now ;-)