This is C.C. (aka Captain Courageous). I’m using this photo because that is how I feel right now. I have no energy, I don’t feel like working and am unmotivated.
I’ve felt this way for a couple of days. I’m not sure why. Actually I’ve been out of sorts for about a week. Not exactly down but more irritable and annoyed.
I think, ironically enough, the start of it was Blog Action Day. I was excited about participating and in hopefully bringing more awareness to Train for Humanity. I also set aside time to read other posts about poverty. And a lot of what I read really disturbed me. It wasn’t the posts that disturbed me but rather the comments.
There seems to be an attitude that the homeless are “bums” and that being poor is a state of mind. (I want to make it clear that these comments do not necessarily reflect the point of views of the authors of the articles). I know that I live in a capitalistic nation but did not realize that there is an economic “survival of the fittest” mentality out there and that the economy is designed to serve the few rather than all the citizens of a nation. (thanks to Kelly from She-Power for some of those ideas).
But this isn’t a post about those attitudes. I’m still thinking about it and sorting it in my mind. It’s just an explanation for how my current mood started. It might be because of the debt, which is getting pretty serious at this point. It’s starting to worry me, since unless I somehow start doing better money-wise there is a good chance it’s going to get out of my control. Hopefully they can help me and we can work towards getting this resolved real soon. I think once that’s fixed I’ll be back to normal, and it’ll turn out I was just getting a bit stressed.
When I feel this way, I have a hard time coming up with new ideas, am unmotivated and not very productive. The things that I were excited about yesterday don’t seem all that interesting today. And little things really really grate on me. As much as I can, I try to avoid situations that increases my interaction with others, and I feel tired and annoyed at the same time during the day. I might have to try modafinil from BuyModafinilOnline which a friend recommended to me so I could focus more at work and rest during the night.
People at working are talking TOO loud. It’s like I left my Mom filter at home. You know what that is, right? Mom filters are used to ignore all distractions and still be productive. I wouldn’t actually mind the loud talking if people were talking about anything interesting. Ok, maybe belly dancing is interesting but today I really don’t want to hear about it. Oh, and I am SO tired of the backpack wack. I’m short – not even 5’2″. When people are riding public transportation and it is really crowded. it’s best to take the backpack off and hold it by your feet. This will keep you from smacking the small people in the head. I carry a backpack too but I know enough to take it off on crowded trains. Are people that oblivious to others, to what is going on around them? Actually that happened yesterday. Today I decided to be proactive and walk home.
On another day, when I’m feeling more like myself, these things wouldn’t bother me. I probably wouldn’t hear the inane conversations and I would politely ask backpack dude to stop trying to give me a concussion.
Today I didn’t really do anything at work. Now before you think I’m lazy and not taking my job seriously you need to understand that I have a feast or famine type of job. It’s either really busy or not at all. I’m underemployed but have chosen that for the time being because I needed something easy when things were difficult earlier this year and now the job gives me the ability to be employed and have time to work on my freelancing endeavors. Most of my blog posts are researched and written while I am at work.
So, since I didn’t feel motivated to do my job I thought I would do some research to get new article ideas, discover some new blogs, comment on some sites. And this was successful. But why do I still feel unproductive; like I didn’t do anything today? I did a lot actually. Things that I don’t usually have time to do. Do I feel this way because I’m already in a mood and I won’t think anything is right today? Or do I think that when I actually have some downtime that I should be working rather than enjoying myself? Do I think because my finances aren’t so great that I should utilize that time to make money?
I think, ultimately, that I am too hard on myself. And that things will probably be better tomorrow. I’ve decided to go with this mood and not force myself to do any work tonight. Maybe I will play a video game or watch The Office or one of the soccer games that I’ve missed recently. My daughter stays at her father’s on Wednesday nights so the choice is really mine. I don’t have to work all of the time, right?
Or, maybe I’m just cranky because my jeans feel too tight ;-)
So, what do you do when you feel this way? Do you feel guilty? Do you try to find a way to change your mood? And please don’t tell me that exercise helps – I know that and even when I don’t exercise I walk 5 miles a day easy just going about my daily business.
I do know that when I get home I’m putting sweatpants on and am going to blast something like Aesop Rock.
And I will remember your name and face
On the day you are judged by The Funhouse cast
And I will rejoice in your fall from grace
With a cane to the sky like, None shall pass.
I do think you’re being too hard on yourself.
We all have days like these and sometimes the best thing to do is to allow myself to feel this way.
Here’s a HUG just in case it will make you feel a little better. :)
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post – Is There Such A Thing As Commenter’s Burnout? Or: Why I Sometimes Close Comments
Thanks Vered :-)
Actually, this morning I woke up with a stuffed head and a sore throat so I think part of my mood was because I was getting sick. I didn’t feel sick yesterday but it’s probably why I didn’t have energy. I’m still a little out of sorts but not quite so annoyed.
Yeah, don’t be too hard on yourself. ;-)
Learn from C.C (Captain Courageous). Lie down and have a good nap.
kuanhoong’s last blog post – Benchmark your web site with WebWait
I’ve been focusing a lot on being more aware of my feelings, and the reasons behind them. I notice that if I am down about something, my motivation is shot. Fortunately, a lot of my writing happens when I am not feeling to sparky, so it works out to my benefit, in a way.
During those times, not only am I not motivated, but I am hard on myself for everything. For not making as much income as I need, for not doing better at tennis or dancing, for not writing something that really kicks butt on my site. Everything I do on those days just seems not good enough.
My fiancé has been getting me in the habit of talking about how I feel as soon as possible instead of holding it in. When I get something out of my system, it helps me feel more in control of it, vs. when I keep it in, it gets control of me. In terms of guilt, I feel extremely guilty when I tell other people my problems, like all I am doing is burdening them. The funny part about that is when it comes to those I love having problems, it drives me bananas if they don’t tell me, because I have an emotional radar that picks up quickly when others are sad or angry. He kind of has the same thing, so he appreciates me letting him know what is going on.
As far as changing my mood on my own, I always tell myself that whatever it is will pass. Kind of like clouds in the sky… they may hide the sun, but I know it is still shining, ready to pop out again. I write (a lot more than I post), in an effort to really challenge whatever it is that is bothering me.
Also, being sick will take the wind out of your sails. Anytime I have a cold, migraine, or even take Advil for that matter, I think my serotonin drops. I always take those things into account to.
Anyway, I’m not sure where I was going with all of this, but I hope some of it helps. Don’t be hard on yourself, we all have days that things suck the enthusiasm out of life. It is the downside of being a caring and sensitive person, but those two traits are still wonderful things to have.
Take care,
Kristi
And here’s a smile for your day today – :)
Kikolani | Poetry, Photography, Blogging Tips’s last blog post – The Sweetest Drug
I was feeling the same way about 2 weeks ago. could not explain it either..didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel..just wanted to stay in bed. no energy. no spark, no voice, nothing. it took a few days, but it passed. one day i woke up and felt like dancing again, there were words in my head, i was thinking and the wheels were turning.
i don’t know what can help you…oh wait, sleep did help, maybe your body is tired. hope you feel better. i guess i wait sometimes. i try to remember what makes me laugh or who, sometimes i just want to be left ALONE.
i also don’t want to hear my coworkers either. they are so talking about NOTHING.
Well Kim, though it’s too bad you are sick, that does explain part of it… I get that way right before I’m sick… but I also find that though not diagnosed, I am probably hypoglycemic and so usually if I eat small meals closer together, I avoid some of the mood swing.
On the other hand, from the creative side of me, I find if there is something that is not right — fears, anger, a comment that wasn’t deserved or even one that just hurt my feelings… I lose motivation. I have many things I do when I get out of sorts… I do walk or exercise, I drink more water, I listen to my favorite music, because I am a Christian, I read the Word and pray, I take a nap… because sometimes I am just overtired from too many long hours … and if none of that works… I have a favorite friend I vent too and usually after that I snap back…
Julie Walraven’s last blog post – When Conviction Takes Over
@kuanhoong – Thank you! Unfortunately, CC is rarely that quiet :-) She is usually racing around, climbing the curtains, and getting into all kinds of mischief. Last night I went to bed right after my daughter did and got a lot of sleep. I am still sick but emotionally I feel a lot better. I also scheduled today off from work in order to get some rest.
@Kristi – Wow! You should definitely take parts of your comment and create a post out of it about emotions and expressing them :-) Isn’t it interesting how you want people to tell you how they are feeling but you think that if you don’t about your feelings that you are bothering people. I can totally relate to that. You also said that you could pick up on other’s emotions. I am like that too and tend to internalize them – if people are sad or grumpy I start to feel that way too. I’ve spent a lot of my adult life telling myself that I am not responsible for the way that other people feel.
@Natural – Thanks for visiting and commenting. I hope you don’t mind that I linked to one of your comments. I was reading through some of your older articles and you are VERY funny. I loved the comment that someone left saying you should do stand-up and you replied that you already do all day long and for free :-)
Co-workers can be SO annoying – usually I can block it out but the other day I couldn’t. My desk is also right next to the fax machine so everyone assumes that I have nothing better to do then talk to then whenever they are sending a fax.
@Julie – Thanks! Those are all really good ideas. I do vent to my friend Jim who comments here occasionally. I think getting sick was the cause of the mood.
Hi Kim – I know this is the day after you posted this…but I do hope that you are feeling better!! Hey – it’s Friday after all. :)
I hope you have a terrific weekend.
MH
mark_hayward’s last blog post – Dan Clements to Challenge Niagara Falls Half-Marathon
Hi Mark :-)
I am feeling better mentally – thanks! I’m just really sick and I think it coming on is what was making me so cranky.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, Kim. :)
I don’t think there’s any reason to feel guilty. We all have days like that.
Wesley’s last blog post – Tweet
@Wesley – Thanks :-)
Also, you are VERY funny. That whole weather widget bit had me cracking up.
Did any of the spyware tips help?
Thank you. :)
Absolutely! Thanks to you my computer is now spyware free.
Wesley’s last blog post – I wish I never had to sleep.
Wesley – I am SO glad. Run the new spyware programs weekly and you shouldn’t have any more problems. :-)
If you’re lacking motivation or productivity, or feel like you’re facing a dead-end, may I suggest reading Seth Godin’s “The Dip?” This short business-centric book I read in a day and was the impetus to my venture pad of social media consulting and why I know you the way I do. (Let everyone else guess what that means.)
Some women like wearing tight jeans. Not you?
Ari Herzog’s last blog post – How Do *You* Define Social Media in 140 Characters or Less?
Hi Ari,
Thanks for the book recommendation :-) I think I just have too much going on and that I was getting sick when I wrote this.
And the part about knowing me the way that you do – I’m not even sure what that means so I’m sure my readers won’t either :-)
No – I don’t like wearing tight clothes. Not at all.
I know I’m a couple of days late to offer any advice on this, but I do have an excellent piece of advice which I’ve been using a lot lately.
Whenever you’re feeling down, take a drive/walk through a slum (I drive through one on the way to/from work each day).
Watch the faces of the kids playing in the dirt. Chances are a lot of them will be smiling. If a child who has absolutely nothing going for them, and they can still find something to smile about, it proves that life can’t be all that bad.
Dave’s last blog post – The 3/30 principle of search engine marketing
Hi Dave
Thanks :-)
Frequently children help us feel better. I know that when I’m all grumpy about the rain, my daughter’s excitement over jumping in puddles cheers me up.
I am feeling better – like I mentioned in earlier comments, I woke up very sick the next day so I’m sure that’s where my mood came from.
Actually, I was thinking about a post topic on that subject. My strongest expression of emotions recently have been in my writing. Even writing others in comments has been cathartic recently, as this entire month, minus getting our new puppy, has been rough.
~ Kristi
Kristi,
That’s a great idea and I think you should do it. I know you’ve had a rough time. The post about your grandmother was beautiful and funny and sweet – just want to tell you that again.