While overall I am very happy with my life and the way it is structured, there are some things that I find very difficult about solo parenting.
My daughter does spend some time with her Dad but almost all of her care and most of the financial responsibility is mine.
Here is a list of the things I find most difficult doing on my own.
What’s Hard
- When I Am Sick – While I feel terrible for my daughter when she is sick and I wish I could take the illness away from her and place it on myself, it is much harder when I am the one is sick. Just getting up to take her to school or pick her up can be a real trial. A couple of weeks ago I had a terrible stomach bug and I was stumbling around trying to get her where she needed to be. Of course, if I am really really super sick (like when I had a tooth infection) I ask her Dad for help or ask a neighbor to take her to school. But what’s difficult is no back-up – there isn’t a 2nd person around to arrange things so I can simply stay in bed and get better. Fortunately, I am fairly healthy and don’t get sick often. Although I do have a weak stomach, which is a problem because I love spicy food so much ;-) As with any herbal remedy, green borneo kratom is highly effective in helping to ease a variety of physical ailments whether a person is suffering from intense back pain or a numbing migraine. Providing much-needed relief from ongoing pain is perhaps the most notable benefit of this type of kratom strain. Plus, as the number of people who use Green Borneo rises over time, more and more people will become familiar with its potential benefits for medicinal use.
- Always being the bad guy – I am the one that deals with all discipline issues and the one that determines that buying school clothes is more important than buying toys. Dad gets to be the fun one who takes her to the toy store and doesn’t have to deal with the day to day behavior problems. Just this week we had an issue with my daughter flat out lying to me and me trying to figure out the best way to deal with it and an appropriate punishment. As far as I know, Dad isn’t dealing with any of these problems. My guess is that when my daughter gets older she will start telling me that she would rather be with Dad.
- Paperwork, Schedules and Appointments – I’d say that most of us despise paperwork and children seem to increase it exponentially, especially once they start school with permission slips, health assessments, etc. While I am very organized, sometimes I get frustrated being the one to take care all of these details. I get even more annoyed when I make up a schedule, arrange things with her Dad, he agrees, and then he still asks me “what day is that?” “when am I picking her up?” like it is my responsibility to keep track of what he needs to do as well as what my daughter and I need to do. There are certain things that he does take care of, such as the dentist, but I still have to remind him to make appointments with the Anchorage dentist frequently, so much that, I would just as soon take care of it myself. By getting it in high-quality from trusted vendors, you will enjoy massive benefits at minimal doses without putting your health at risk, click over here now for further details.
- Regular Meals – This one relates to parenting in general and is not specific to solo parenting. And, actually, it may relate to my own personal quirks. I lived alone for 16 years before getting married and having a daughter and as I was never super into food I got used to eating whenever I felt like it; breakfast at 2pm, dinner at 10pm, etc. While I enjoy cooking, I get frustrated having to provide meals at regular times. And my kid is a grazer – she is always hungry and wants to eat ALL the time. She says “I’m hungry” so often that we joke that we should have named her Hungry ;-)
As I look over the list I realize that my Mom was responsible for all of these things even though she wasn’t a single parent. Of course, when I was a kid Dads weren’t as involved as they are now. When I was a kid you never saw a Dad pushing a baby carriage and I don’t think my Dad ever went to a Parent Teacher Conference, arranged a birthday party, or any of those kinds of things.
And now that I review these things, nothing on it is so difficult except for being sick. I guess like any other grown-up I just don’t want to be responsible all of the time. ;-)
What do you find difficult about solo parenting or parenting in general?
Single parent or not has it”s own advantage and disadvantage Come to think of it, that you did have a husband but still uncooperative, it still like being a single mom. Count your blessings instead of what you have not, you may not know having no one beside you is a blessing (Thanks the heaven, you were not provided with an abusive hubby).
Hi Kim – I can relate to all of these so well – especially having to be the “not fun parent.” Maybe this is a sub-issue under paperwork, but what I found very difficult after a full day of work and running around was the homework! I don’t recall my parents ever helping me with homework when I was in school, but when my kids started in elementary school, it was an expectation that parents would. This is like taking on a second job! When my son was in fourth grade, I was told that because of the math curriculum du jour, parents who wanted their children to learn multiplication and division tables would have to teach them at home. WHAT! As you mentioned, kids and parents have a very different experience than a generation ago, when the parenting was less hands on, and I suspect less complicated.
Hi Betsy – I am SO annoyed about homework right now. The kid was just assigned a big book/reading project. I was looking through the packet and thought it looked fun and we enjoyed picking out the book. I then noticed that it is due Nov 28th – yes, the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend. God forbid that families have 4 peaceful days off together. Granted, we can get it done before the weekend but still – why not make it the 30th so there isn’t so much pressure?
Then last year in 3rd grade I had to study and relearn addition and subtraction because the kids don’t learn it the way that I did and when I tried to help the kid I was confusing her.
I was thinking that I had to spend more time with homework because the kid is less independent than I was but you are probably right – there are more expectations for parents to be involved and it seems like kids get more homework at a younger age – I don’t really remember having any until maybe 3rd or 4th grade. And I never asked my parents for help until high school when I was doing something hard like physics.
Ugh!
I have 3 teenagers. I remarried, but the responsibility for all of this is mine. They never see their father – he lives in another state. My step-daughter wants to come live with us. It will be interesting to see how my husband handles the new responsibility. (We keep parenting separate – I parent mine, he parents his.)
Interesting – I would think it would be difficult to keep parenting separate. Or maybe that is easier with teenagers than smaller children … oh my – I don’t even want to think about my daughter being a teenager …
I am and have always been solo parenting for my son, there are many disadvantages that you have already recorded in your article,
but you get all the love and attention of your child, and my son and I are closer and personal than his friends are with their parents.
I wonder if we will be closer because of this. I had both parents but my Dad wasn’t around much and not that involved and I ended up being much closer to my Mother.
Single parent or not, parents today are expected to be involved in ways that make parenting more stressful than it was for our parents. My parents for the most part just left me alone – they provided food, shelter and clothes but were busy leading their own adult lives. I was responsible for my own studies and for my own social life. Things today are different and I often think that our kids are too pampered/sheltered.
Hi Vered – That’s a really good point. I spent some time with my parents but not the way I spend time with my daughter. And a lot of it is forced – the kids are given so much homework that they have to have help on to do well. If I just ignore that and don’t help, she gets a lower grade.
Hi Kim,
I had two children and feel so lucky that I wasn’t a single parent. What ever way parenting comes at you, I think it is difficult. I know exactly what you’re saying when you spoke about having food at certain times and goodness knows, if you get sick, all bets are off! I think there are certain people born to be parents, grandparents and great grandparents and God loves ’em!! Then there are parents by design!! I lived threw it and so shall many others, but it was difficult!! Thanks for sharing such an interesting article.
Hi Ann – At least her Dad is involved and I get some breaks. I know quite a few Moms where the Dad doesn’t help out at all or ever bother seeing his kids.
There are definitely positives and negatives, like with anything almost. On the bright side, you are able to spend much more time with her and bond together a lot. On the other hand, like you said, you have the role of being disciplinarian and largely in charge of looking out for what’s best for her. I hope her father increases his participation a bit more to where it will help ease things for you slightly.
-Jean
Hi Jean – It often seems like I’m the mean one and her Dad is Mr. Fun ;-)
Maybe you could get her to ask her father for permission to certain things that you find it hard to say ‘no’ to. Like, if she wants to go a party that you don’t want her to, maybe tell her to ask her dad for permission and that if it’s ok with him, it’s ok with you. Put him in the role of saying no once in a while. :=)
-Jean
Good idea!
I get you. My kid’s dad is all carnival rides and cotton candy. He gets to do the fun stuff, I get to do the mundane stuff. It is hard not to be resentful. Sadly for him, I have come to realize that he seems to be more of an uncle than a dad to them.
Hi Leah – I’ve been getting him more involved with homework and bigger school projects and that’s been working out pretty well. I find he is helpful if I provide exact instructions ;-)
Single parent or not, divorced or not, don’t you think that the onus has always been on women? Women are always expected to be there for the kids and the family while men are allowed to do all the merry they want. This really bothers me coz even we have the right to have fun!! Anyway goodluck with the parenting, I’m sure someday she’ll be thankful for the sacrifices you made ;)
Hi Pam – Well, that’s another issue, isn’t it? You never hear a man wonder how he is going to manage a career and a family while that is a huge topic for women.
The neat thing about #2 on your list (being the disciplinarian) is that years from now, they’ll look back on that with lots of respect.
Maybe. I guess we’ll see what happens. :-)